In Which Maura Overanalyzes Zombies
by Eliana Panthera
Summary: Jane and Maura watch zombie movies. Discussions about reanimated corpses ensue. -Jane/Maura- -Maura/Logic-


**Title: **In Which Maura Overanalyzes Zombies

**Rating: **PG-13 for Jane's swearing

**Genre: **Humor, Fluff

**Pairing: **Jane/Maura, Maura/Logic

**Summary: **Jane and Maura watch zombie movies. Discussions about reanimated corpses ensue.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned them, would I be writing fic for them? Probably, but I don't own them.

**Author's Notes: **I read The Zombie Survival Guide and I couldn't resist. Don't tell me you've never wondered about the corpses in autopsy reanimating!

…That's just me? Damn.

XXX

"What would you do if one of your dead bodies decided to come back to life?"

Jane took a casual sip of her beer, looking at her girlfriend out of the corner of her eye. Maura's eyebrows were furrowed, and she stared at Jane like she had gone insane and this question had come out of nowhere. It hadn't though. Jane couldn't help that all of these shitty old zombie movies were giving her ideas.

Having a Horror Movie Weekend had been Jane's idea, and Maura had agreed with some sort of bizarre excitement. Jane hadn't discovered until earlier that night _why _Maura had been so excited. She was looking forward to psychoanalyzing all of the characters, and Jane had realized ten minutes into the first movie that this had all been a really terrible idea.

Maura had talked about 'daddy issues' and abuse and mental conditions. She dissected the reasoning for the malice of every one of the killers. Maura didn't mean to do it, but her words made the horror movies more bothersome than just scary. Not that Jane was scared of them in the first place (Jumping occasionally _didn't _count). But thinking about various complicated psychological conditions made it easier to compare the deaths to the things that happened constantly in her life.

That was why they were watching zombie movies. The undead were just that―the undead. It was hard to psychoanalyze someone who didn't use much of their brain and couldn't form any sort of sound beside that moaning death rattle. Watching reanimated bodies stumble around in search of flesh had brought thoughts of the blonde's 'patients,' and Jane couldn't resist asking the question.

"Jane, that's completely impossible. Once the human body dies, it can't reanimate. And if, _somehow_, this happened, the reanimated corpses wouldn't be able to bleed like they have been in this movie. And they wouldn't be able to digest the humans they ate―their stomachs would simply expand until they exploded and―" Jane cut her off by clearing her throat loudly.

She took another sip of her beer, trying to ignore the disgusting image of exploding zombie stomachs, "Pretend that, somehow, there's a virus going around turning people into zombies. What would you do if you were in the morgue and one of your corpses stood up and started trying to rip your throat out?"

"There is _no _way that would be possible, though, Jane," Maura replied, and Jane had to force herself not to groan. She loved the blonde, but sometimes her complete logicalness was frustrating. Maura must have caught Jane's slight annoyance, because she sighed and said, "If it did happen somehow, I don't know what I'd do."

Jane snorted and gasped over-dramatically, "Holy shit! The world is ending. Maura Isles _doesn't know what to do_!" Maura beat down a smile, giving a good natured roll of her eyes as she swatted at Jane's bicep.

"Watch your language, Jane," Maura chided, not really focusing on the black-and-white movie anymore, "I guess I would try to hit them over the head. If I could destroy the brain, it would cut off the functions reanimating the rest of the body. Then the corpse would probably 'die' again."

Jane snorted, because the image of Maura beating the shit out of a zombie was actually kind of hilarious, "I'd probably have a fucking panic attack and try to shoot it." There was another swat to her arm as Maura told her, once again, to watch her language. Jane poked out her tongue, and Maura rolled her eyes.

"Shooting it probably wouldn't be effective. It's doubtful that the heart would reanimate, and that's most likely where you would shoot. It would do nothing," Maura said, still thinking logically even though they were now talking about something completely illogical.

Jane sighed and gave a shrug, reaching into the pizza box to pull out a now-cold slice, "I guess I wouldn't survive a zombie invasion on my own, then." She bit into the pizza, chewing as she said, "I'd just stick with you and let you bludgeon all of them for me."

Maura laughed lightly then took the slice of pizza from Jane's hand, setting it back down on the coffee table. Jane glared at her, not pleased with the pizza thievery. That is, until Maura straddled her waist, smirking down at her. Bright hazel eyes glittered with an almost wicked mirth, "I can think of something more interesting and stimulating we can do, instead of talking about zombies."

"Oh really, Dr. Isles?" Jane asked, and Maura gave her that mischievous smirk again. The detective reached up to tangle her fingers in Maura's honey-blonde curls, "How about you…explain?" There was a warm chuckle that vibrated through Maura's body and against Jane's.

"I'd be happy to," Maura pulled Jane into a passionate kiss, and everything else fell away.

The zombie movie still played in the background―forgotten.

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